The Birds and the Bees

Do you all remember when your parents sat you down to tell you about s-e-x? For some it may have been a traumatizing experience, but for others pure comedy or a feeling of unpreparedness. For me, I remember the first 'talk' I had. I was 10 and living with my father in Alaska...

Some people know me as a pretty intelligent, motivated, and fast-track individual. I was always an 'A' student and studied hard all through school (this will make sense in a minute). That being said, my father who hates sensitive topic subjects enrolled me in the human, growth, and development class offered at my school. He sat me down after the first class and told me I could come to him about absolutely anything. Needless to say I never did. It was awkward enough for him to tell me I could ask him about things... I didn't need to prolong that...

Fast-forward 2 years later... puberty hits. I'm officially a woman. My mother is a very superstitious Filipina who had been preparing me for this moment for 3 years. Once she embarrassed me in front of my whole family about it, we had a talk. She told me now I could have a baby so I needed to make sure I never had sex until I was married...

Needless to say, no one told me about the things I really needed to know about sex. Everyone talked about the mechanics and the consequences, but no one ever said how you would feel about it. That opened up a can of worms for people to get freaky deaky with things and thats how we end up with S&M and 2 girls 1 cup type of shit. Maybe those girls would've known that sticking a brownie up your ass and shitting it out later and putting it in your mouth may not be the greatest of ideas... and btw, now you have pink eye and a severe case of halitosis.

So, this got me thinking... what the hell would I tell my kids? Would I tell them the stork brought them? I found them in a cabbage patch? I ate a watermelon seen and SURPRISE!!! BABY!? I think I would tell my kids the most disgusting version of sex so they would be too scared to try until they left for college at least. The thought just terrifies me...

SN: I think my parentals view my purity as being intact...