Resolution to NOT have a Resolution

Randomness in three parts....

PART ONE

So, it is ~1830 here on the east coast as we wait to bring in the new year. I have no resolutions this year because like most people, I will not keep it. I REFUSE to be a resolutioner lol... but I realize why I can't keep resolutions- I am a commitment-phobe...

Before you scoff at me and tell me I sound like a lying man (yes, you men bashers, I mean you!), I realized I do have a problem. I won't even join a gym because I can't commit for a year. I'm surprised I still continue to go to school. I don't start workout plans because I know at some point I will become uncommitted. I don't join clubs or groups that require active involvement... My dating life sucks- well, I get bored there, but anyhoo I have a problem with commitment.

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PART TWO

Ok, so if anyone has an asian parent (mainly filipino) you've probably grown up doing random things during the holidays. It wasn't until I got older than I realized how superstitious my mother was. On NYE, my mother would make us clean the house from top to bottom, washing everything, even giving the cats a bath. The she would could pancit (for luck) and anything with beef and pork. We would also have 12 different kinds of fruit to represent the 12 months of the year and hope that they will be fruitful.

At the stroke of midnight, my mother would have us open all the doors and windows to let in the new air of the new year and blessings and blah.

So here's the break down- my mother won't cook chicken because it's a representative of how your year will be. One tends to have bigger cuts of meat with beef and pork and not in chicken wings. Also, I didn't mention, she'd have us put cotton in the corners... still confused on what that does. Also, you can't spend monday on 1 Jan, you can't do laundry, and you have to throw money (coins) outside and have a man come pick them up and bring them into the house... again not sure what this does. 

So every new years since I've left home as been normal- meaning vodka was involved lol I'm also thinking my mother made up half of these things to deal with a daughter that had an overactive imagination... well played, Mom, well played...

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PART THREE

So let's recap on some highlights of 2012-

1- I got on a boat- I had a project that required this airman to become a seaman... hahahaa I said seaman. I'd never really been on the ocean like that. It was fun. I experienced something new.

2- I admitted I had a problem- I had issues readjusting after my deployment. I was very angry, but with my support system, I was able to control my anger and take it out at the gym as opposed to a certain coworker who gets on my last nerve. I still don't understand why I was soo angry, but I recognize the signs of me not giving too much of a damn and am able to walk away without hurting anyone with my words.

3- I went sky diving- holy crap!!!!!!! I have never had such an exhilarating experience in my entire life! holy moly!!! and I enjoyed it with my Prima!

4- I was blessed with my hyperactive puddin' pot pie Reggie James- My mom rescued a little tuxedo kitten who is now the love of my life. I can't wait to dress him up in ridiculous costumes.

5- The saddest thing- I let go of my best friend and someone I felt was my soulmate... I said goodbye to this man. I couldn't take being hurt anymore. Just because you're supposed to fall in love with your best friend doesn't mean they fall in love with you in the process... or they do fall in love with you but then fall out again. I will never forget him, but I know I can't go on in 2013 with him in my life. I wish him the best, but I can't stand by and continue to feel like a knife is being stabbed in my heart. I love you, JDS, but now I have to love myself more.

I won't sit here and say 2013 will be THE year, but I will say I'm graduating from college!!! I was supposed to this year but life happened. I will meet new people, kick my dad out of the air force, and travel back to Korea. I will learn more about myself as I enter this new chapter of my life. I'm starting the new year off with a move, hopefully it'll be a positive sign of new beginnings and new experiences. See you then, bitches!

A House Divided Will Not Stand

***Note*** I agree that one has the freedom of speech. I don't care about the funny stuff posted on FB; I'm not harping on that... it's the ignorant shit... You know the kind... I respect my friends' opinions as I hope they respect mine. In the end, I still love u <3.

So, peoples, the election season is finally over... I think it is ironic, and damned hypocritical how we reacted as a country. Picture it... Summer 2012, we united as Amuricans cheering on our teams as they fought to bring the gold home... fast forward to Oct/Nov 2012... we are at each other's throats arguing and at time showing blatant hate and disregard towards candidates not of our choosing. Some folks actually argued with facts and were able to prove why they were supporting a certain candidate, and kept it classy and respectful... never discussing race. The interwebs is a wonderful thing, but it also serves as a reminder that there is ignorance out there. Some people do not know how to properly express their feelings without showing hate, ignorance, and embarrassment.

One team!!! Amurica!! If you don't like it, git out!          

We do not all have to agree. We are adults and can express our likes, dislikes, loves, and hates respectfully and with words... some of the negative things I have seen about Romney and Obama disgust me. Both men campaigned hard and fought for an office that most of us do not ever want to sit in. While I will not disclose whom I voted for, I will say as an undecided voter, both men came with it hard, and me googling things to make sure I understood what was being said. I will not claim to be politically savvy, but I also will not defend my vote to anyone. I knew which issues were important to me and voted accordingly.

That all being said, President Obama is still running this country. No one's perfect. I feel expectations were higher than they should have been for the first four years of his term. We were in two wars... wars cost money. Congress declares war. We as Amuricans were all for it in the beginning. Saying, "Get the friggin Taliban, Al-Qaeda, and anyone on the FBI's terrorist watch list!"If Romney was elected, I believe he would've had a rough start as well with the country recovering from one war, still in the second one, and possibly moving into other conflicts because our enemies see our weaknesses. We fight intracountry instead of having the mentally of WE AMERICANS vs ANYONE WHO WANTS TO FUCK WITH US, we fight within ourselves and selfishly fight against our president instead of trying to help as whole.

The hate we provoke.

Maybe I am too Little House on the Prairie with my thinking because I know we will not come together as a country like we did when 9/11 occurred or during the Olympic games, but just think about it... U.S. = US. Our country has evolved and changed from since the Constitution and Declaration of Independence were written. There are more problems in the world that affect us as a nation. Write to your Congressmen/women. Bug the hell out of them until they do SOMETHING!

More hate we provoke...

http://www.binscorner.com/pages/d/death-threats-against-bush-at-protests-i.html
More bad things, but about former Pres. Bush

Sorry for prolonging this, but it's not often I get upset. I swore to protect and defend this nation with my life so for that price, I will put in my two cents. You can agree to disagree... again these are some of my personal thoughts, but we need to get over the election, support this country, and show the world why America has always been a force to be reckoned with. There is no other country as diverse as ours. We celebrate each other's cultures, we cheer on each other, and we fight together. We are AMERICANS. One country... indivisible...

I'm not a player... I just crush a lot...

Ok... so I am 27 years old, and I have a crush... it's a tiny one, and one I'm not going to act on, but I've done some thinking... how old is too old to crush? Like is there a timeframe... a time limit on things like this?

SO here's the scoop... this guy isn't what most people would call handsome. He's quirky and shy. I don't even really know what attracts me to him, I just know I think he's too cute and his awkwardness is adorable.

Now, here's the thing... I won't ever talk to him. I mean I've said hey and such, but that's about it. I turn into a big dork... that's not me. I am a confident, HIRARIOUS, and sure of myself... but I turn into baby puddin' when I crush on someone.

My friends say I should speak... I can't... I mean I'm leaving in February, he may not like me- I know its 2012, but not everyone is down with the mixings if you get what I'm saying, and after gathering much intel, I believe this guy is legally separated... yea not going there. I've been burned with the divorcee before... I can't go down that road right now.

Soooo I won't sit here and complain or anything about why I'm single... I am ok, but I'm not doing anything about it... which again raises the question- Am I too damn old to have a crush?

Shit just got real...

So my probably less than 10 followers (it's about quality not quantity right?), I know I super suck at writing on this thing. I am currently TDY to Florida for a week and also going to school online. The class is 8 weeks long so there's tons of reading on boring subjects that I would rather gain a pound a day... ok maybe its not THAT bad, but still you get my point.

Real Shit

Some of you may have noticed I changed my title to the blog. Life Actually was good for that moment in time, but now I feel at 27 I need to change it up a bit. Make it spicy... add some humor. It may also help that I am half-way through Mindy Kaling's book, LOVIN' IT!!!!!, and realizing that comedy really is laughing at someone else's tragedy. So you know what, I won't bother my homie Jesus and his pop's God with my trivial matters... you hear people praying to them or to Allah, or to Stephen Hawkins (scientology right? who cares... Tom Cruise has shown the seriousness I will take for that) but never  bugging Buddha... no one ever bugs him right?

New Places, New Faces

So here's the deal, I just found out about my assignment after Korea... I'm going across the pond to jolly old England. Now before you become green with envy, I am going to NORTHERN ENGLAND.... Like it's bloody cold all year round. I am excited though, but sadly I know there won't be any hot princes up there... but 1 of 2 things could happen once I reach my chilly, but very Britishy locale... 1- I meet a hot Scotsman (Northern England... anything's possible) whom I marry while he wears a kilt and I a wedding pants suit. We have mocha colored babies with flaming red hair and freckles... orrrr 2- I meet Prince Harry, he falls in love with my blasianess, we get married and even Her Grace, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (I love love LOVE HER) is my maid of honor and we become BFFs. Harry or Harr Bear as I will call him have mocha colored, flaming red head babies with freckles... either way I get red pandas... that excites me!

Think about it- Blasian Cajun, the Duchess of something on the knoll... I can totally live this dream in my head. Our children will be named William and Philip of course... gingers of course... freckled of course, but bloody a quarter ninja and a quarter gangster to kick anyones ass who makes fun of them! and half white where it's just enough that they won't get audited.

But if I have my Scottie too Hottie...head of the Kilkenny Clan (again my fuckin dreams, get your own), our children Liam and Weiland will take after their father and learn to do manly things like ride a horse in a kilt and throw logs.

Fin

So to keep this uber (how do I use umlauts?) short, I will leave you with this, I'm tired of not feeling like myself. I am a humorous gal. I got caught up in my own head on feelings about JDS and now I've realized I have to really let it go, and guess what, I survived. I'm ok. I fell for my best friend, got burned, but I'm still here. I will always care for him; I put myself out there... I didn't hold back, but it was just me wanting something to spark between us. We had a fire that I had to let extinguish. So here's to realizing my worth, knowing what I want... and being ALIVE! Besides, my Scotsman will probably be just what I need... <3

Free Fallin'

So today I did something I've always wanted to do, but was too afraid to do... until now... I went sky diving!!! The feeling of absolute freedom was exhilarating!!!! It is a feeling I cannot describe. I did it to celebrate my 27th birthday, but at the same time, I did it to give my self a sense of freedom.

My bday was Sunday and of course family and friends called to wish me well... but a part of me hoped that thru it all I would hear from the one person who still owns my heart- JDS. Of course he forgot when my bday was... or what I really feel is he didn't care to tell me. It hurt because I still do care for him. It's hard, but I take it day by day. Doing this jump made me realize that I am capable of facing fears and doing great things because in life we have to take risks.

Even though I didn't hear from him, I won't let it ruin my vacation home. It just wasn't ever meant to be between he and I... and I can't give him the friendship he says he wants because I feel how I do. I fell for him, but now I need to fall out. I just jumped out of a freakin plane... how crazy is that?

It's all about yo... ME!

So I know it has been quite a while since I've written. I've been busy doing... stuffs. Ok, maybe not that busy, but I did start school again AND I am teaching my naturalization class again. It feels great to help. Other than that, a lot has happened emotionally I guess... SDI and I no longer talk. As much as it hurt me to let go, I needed to do it. He gave me the right opportunity to say, "Hey I give up," and throw down the gloves.

Your heart and brain rationalize feelings differently. Your brain realizes you need to let go waaaaay before your heart does... or rather that spot in your brain that lets you feel emotion, but whatever, I'm not Dr. Oz. Anyhoooo... He told me something that I couldn't get over. I knew this was what I need to do... and I also ended that previous sentence with a preposition. I care for him more than I should, but I know with me letting him go and my future PCS (move for you civilians) to Korea, along with school and teaching and random kitten video watching on Youtube, I will move on from how I feel about him.

Also, every now and then I get weird random messages from Mr. Big. Seriously, dude wanted to drive to Denver to meet me... that would've been like 8 hours from where he lives. We don't talk everyday. We don't really talk ever. I thought he was back with his baby mama since she says she loves him all up and down his facebook page. WHO DOES THAT? And baby was trying to spit that okie doke on me talking about he would make the drive just to have coffee with me. This man is over 30... I thought the games would stop but apparently not. Poor girl...

Anyway, I miss SDI being in my life, but I'm here and there, he's in Germany doing his thing, we are never going to be together. I'm not one of those ppl that believe in being a half person waiting to meet "THE ONE" and become whole. Fuck that, I'm whole now. I don't believe in fairy tales. I'm a realist... I used to be a dreamer, I used to be naive, but I grew out of that when the cruelty of ppl really showed through. I try to do what's best for me because no one else will look out for me. I need to separate my wants, those desires, from what I really need.

I'm about to have my 27th bday and I KNOW my mother or someone will throw in a comment about me being as old as I am with no kids, no husband, and getting up there in years. I am not settling with just anyone because I do not fear being alone. I do not fear never having children. I do not fear dying unloved. I fear settling for someone who doesn't truly love me. I fear having children with a man who is dishonest and flighty. I fear dying unloved when I love with my entire being. Those are my fears. I'd rather die alone being honest to myself than live with a man who doesn't love me. That my friends is what we should fear.

Beauty is only skin deep... said no one ever

Me bored... dont judge... this shit is important!

*** love how it captures me making awkward faces.

Letting go and moving on

So... I know it's been ages since I've written, but I've been TDY and working every freakin day. A few days after my TDY started, I got an IM from someone who meant a lot to me. I had been going back and forth knowing I should end our friendship because it wasn't a real friendship. I cared too much for it to be and I know he didn't feel the same. Well, he gave me reasons to say good bye. I felt like I never wanted to give up on him, and it hurt knowing it was truly over this time. I said my goodbyes and have been trying to move on since. I've been doing ok. I just try not to think about him anymore, which is sometimes difficult.

I know I couldn't in good faith remain friends after what he told me. It was like another heartbreak after previous heartbreaks. I don't know why we put up with it for so long... who knows? But I do know I miss him, but I need to want to take care of my heart more. To give a good effort in the dating world, or not if I choose... but he can no longer be in the back of my mind. He didn't want me and I respect that.

No one ever said heartbreak was easy, and fuck those who say it's just gonna take time... I know that, but right now its hard to think about the future me who will be over him completely and really able to move on. Right now, the current me is trying to put on a brave face everyday, continue to work and act like I'm not affected... keeping up a mask of a brave front is hard. I am at a point now where I just don't want to talk about it and prolong his memory with me.

I won't ever forget how he made me feel, good or bad... but I will move on and let him become a distant memory. My heart won't skip a beat when I see his face, I won't smile when I think of the shit he says that made me laugh, I won't remember the love I felt... He will just be there... and I will just be here.

Pink- Blow Me (one last kiss)

TRUST...

I trust no one, not even myself.- J. Stalin


Trust is something that we are told must be earned not given freely. There are those who trust freely until done wrong, and there are those who wait and watch making people earn his or her trust. I am in the latter group. I wasn't always like this but over the years, in order to survive, I had to transform myself. It is very hard for me to show emotions and express myself. Over the past few months, I have been trying to get better at it. I've tried being completely open... but then I got burned. I do not blame the other person. I had issues expressing much after I told them something personal. In my mind keeping space was necessary for the other to grow in their respective setting, but obviously that was probably the wrong thing to do, thus getting burned.

Recently, a friend of mine, or someone whom I thought was a friend, played a joke on me. It wasn't a hahaha joke, but one that upset me. I begged for clarity, but kept getting vague answers. I know this person can joke around quite a bit, but which this certain topic, it was no joking matter, especially since I was visibly upset and even said so. Well, this person never owned up to playing a joke on me. I had to go as far as asking Hypocrite* what his BFF was referring to. Hypocrite called my gullible for believing the Joker*. I suddenly remembered why I deleted his ass in the first place....

I hate when people try to make you feel stupid for how you feel. I was upset. I have trust problems, and one of my worst fears was seeming to come true thru this person. I defended him before when others said he was a douche. Now I know they were right. I feel stupid yet again, but not because he was playing with me, but because I thought he had enough respect for me as a person to not joke about something like that.

I refuse to be susceptible to someone who thinks hurting me is hilarious. I will not live in a state of fear. I refuse to apologize how I feel about ANYTHING. They are MY feelings for a reason. So that being said... I say this to Joker.... COME AT ME, BRO!

Atonement...

"Anger blows out the lamp of the mind."

Hello readers, I guess for the most part, my blog is on a pretty serious level being that I like to talk about what I notice or go through in life. I never wanted to be a writer. I love to read, however I know I wouldn't have the patience to complete anything. The ADHD would kick in. So my blog is a place where I express my feelings/views on things. Sometimes I can be jokey, but other times like this, I will be a little more serious. Sorry if this isn't that "FUN" blog you are looking for on the interwebs. I read those too, but that's not me.

The quote above in the title signifies a lot to me. I first read it in a romance novel when I was like 13 (no judgement zone here, people!). I think it was Ingersoll who said it, but don't quote me on it, and I'm too lazy to google, but it rings truth. Anyhow, if most of you read my previous blog post/fable/me trying to be creative and express myself figuratively in the literal sense, then this quote pertains to a lot of the underlying feelings I tried not to showcase in the post. I tried to remain unaffected and objective, but now it's time to explain myself.

Hypocrite is someone I know. I am Fool. I was angry when I read what he wrote. Not because of the fact that we won't work, but the fact that he lied to me. I can respect honesty. I can't respect lying. I don't know if I should dignify his statements with a response, but I wrote one out to myself to at least document my feelings and views. I wasn't in love with him by any means, but I did like him. We were friends for years, it partly felt natural that we should try to take it to the next level, but it wasn't meant to be, and now that I think of all the things we went through, would it have even lasted? Did he do me a favor? I'm ok now. Again, I wasn't upset he found someone, just how he treated me. I'm tired of how men I've dated/talked treat me. Like I don't deserve to be respected during difficult times.

I'm glad I never fell in love with him. I'm not even mad anymore. I hope he does find happiness, but I also hope he learns respect and courtesy towards others. You don't treat people any way you want. I felt like i deserved a better good-bye than that. So below is the message I will never send him, but felt the need to write for my benefit:

I read your little message a few days ago. I find what you said to me and how you said it very disingenuous and disrespectful. I’m not mad. I could care less who you want to fall for and what not. Not my issue. I do have a problem with what I feel on how you’ve handled the situation. Honestly, did you read what you wrote before you sent it? It sounded like you were placating yourself and saying exactly what you thought that would help justify what happened and help you sleep better at night. Maybe I’m the stupid one for thinking that if I opened up to you and told you how I was done wrong, you wouldn’t do the same thing. Hell, Hypocrite, your most recent ex just pulled some shit similar to this with you. And sadly, I thought you had more respect for me as a person to not come at me with this blatant bullshit. I feel like you fed me lies to placate me and now you’re doing everything you said you wouldn’t. You can’t help whom you like, but you can have respect for someone else’s feelings and control the bullshit that comes out of your mouth. Reading what you wrote made me angry. I felt humiliated. I didn’t see this coming at all. I feel lied to and disrespected. You didn’t think I deserved to hear this over the phone at least? No, probably not because it would’ve been too difficult, not thinking that it would’ve been the right thing to do. A friendship with you at this point seems somewhat impossible. I don’t trust you. You could’ve handled this better, but you chose to take the easy way out and not even ask to verify if I understood what you said. I’m not mad about you finding someone else. That’s irrelevant. You can’t help whom you fall for in life. It just happens, but I will say I felt like you slapped me in the face. Good luck.


I don't trust easy. All I can do now is crawl back into my shell. Luckily, I have priorities and I stick to them. School, gym, work... that's all I do. I think honestly, I'm just reallllllly mad at the gas money I wasted to see him. I mean gas was like $4.15 a gallon when we started hanging out. I have an 18.3 or whatever gallon tank! So now that I've written this out , I can move forward yay... and again, I'm so thankful that I was still in a light infatuation phase. I wasn't anywhere near what I felt for the last guy, so maybe his poorly written message was my saving grace before I was on the road to crazy-ville. And........


The fun is just beginning... we are going to Korea together. Oh boy!

The Hypocrite and the Fool

Listen up, kiddies, for one of BC's fables... what lesson will you learn?

Once upon a time there was a man named Hypocrite and a girl named Fool. Fool enjoyed spending time with Hypocrite. Fool knew her feelings for him were growing, so she did what she thought she had to do and told him. Fool told Hypocrite she liked him and that maybe she should stop spending time with him because she knew he wasn’t ready for anything serious, and neither was she really for that matter, but she was moving on from something else. Hypocrite told her that he liked her too, but wasn’t ready for anything because of the previous bad breakup. He told her he wanted to go with the flow and just see what happened with them since they were going to live very close to each other soon. Fool knew she had a problem trusting men, but she had known Hypocrite for over 6 years and thought that she could trust him. Hypocrite took her out, let her meet his friends, and spent time with her.

Fool believed him. She relished in the fact that maybe something could happen but she had to stop self-sabotaging herself with her weird trust issues and tendencies to push people away. Well… one day, Fool gets a message from Hypocrite saying, “Hey some things have happened the last few days that have changed my outlook with some things. I'm just going to be up front and tell you that I met a girl that I really really like and we have been hanging out lately. So the position this puts me in, is I don't want to mess things up with her. I'm going to be respectful and not try to play anybody and see where her and I go. This was very short notice, but I have to cancel those plans we had with you coming down. Sorry...”

Fool felt, well, foolish. She had betrayed herself by trying and being open to only find that he didn’t give a shit about her, and that what he told her before was true. “Guys can be monogamous, but it’s the fact that they don’t want just you.” How true you were Hypocrite… Touche’ cause you actually practice what you preach… So maybe he’s not a hypocrite after all, but Fool is still a fool.

            Moral of the story - Life's tough so get a helmet.

The Birds and the Bees

Do you all remember when your parents sat you down to tell you about s-e-x? For some it may have been a traumatizing experience, but for others pure comedy or a feeling of unpreparedness. For me, I remember the first 'talk' I had. I was 10 and living with my father in Alaska...

Some people know me as a pretty intelligent, motivated, and fast-track individual. I was always an 'A' student and studied hard all through school (this will make sense in a minute). That being said, my father who hates sensitive topic subjects enrolled me in the human, growth, and development class offered at my school. He sat me down after the first class and told me I could come to him about absolutely anything. Needless to say I never did. It was awkward enough for him to tell me I could ask him about things... I didn't need to prolong that...

Fast-forward 2 years later... puberty hits. I'm officially a woman. My mother is a very superstitious Filipina who had been preparing me for this moment for 3 years. Once she embarrassed me in front of my whole family about it, we had a talk. She told me now I could have a baby so I needed to make sure I never had sex until I was married...

Needless to say, no one told me about the things I really needed to know about sex. Everyone talked about the mechanics and the consequences, but no one ever said how you would feel about it. That opened up a can of worms for people to get freaky deaky with things and thats how we end up with S&M and 2 girls 1 cup type of shit. Maybe those girls would've known that sticking a brownie up your ass and shitting it out later and putting it in your mouth may not be the greatest of ideas... and btw, now you have pink eye and a severe case of halitosis.

So, this got me thinking... what the hell would I tell my kids? Would I tell them the stork brought them? I found them in a cabbage patch? I ate a watermelon seen and SURPRISE!!! BABY!? I think I would tell my kids the most disgusting version of sex so they would be too scared to try until they left for college at least. The thought just terrifies me...

SN: I think my parentals view my purity as being intact...

Annoying ppl who don't realize they annoy you...

Before I start into my daily rant, please see nasty Joke my friend Jen from school told me today...(not for the faint of heart...or prude)

Q- Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
A- Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?! (Oh gawd the visual!!!)


Ok, now on to the real deal here... so yeah there's a coworker of mine, let's call him Fudd, that doesn't read my nonverbals very well... I mean have you ever been so deep into work that you are in the zone! You are drafting up reports and sending out emails quickly and efficiently. You know you will go home actually feeling good about yourself knowing you are fuckin awesome and doing a kick ass job and no one can stop you!.. well you haven't met Fudd.

Fudd thinks he's a god only because his branch of service tells him so. For some reason, I feel like he's one of those ppl that need everyone to like them. I am polite to him when I am not busy. I will ask about him and his family, or be like, "yeah, Fudd, I have time for a swash-buckling tale!" But Fudd does it ALL.THE.TIME!!!!!

He likes to bother me... I feel like it's just me and he doesn't see that I'm busy. He doesn't read my nonverbals or see in my eyes the temper I have restrained. So today, I'm talking to one of my Hello Kitty soulmates about "GIRL" things, and he just walks in and sits down. I'm like well let me go make this phone call (understood receiver of the call was my gyno), and Fudd is like who? I'm like no one... what I really wanted to say was none of your damn business. Like seriously... do you have to come in and be nosy to everyone??? I don't want you to know anything about me other than what I choose to share with you. OMG I can't wait to leave this place and the ppl who feel like I need to like them because apparently EVERYONE likes them. Get over it. You're like 30 something years old.

Why are ppl like this? Honestly, I don't lose sleep at night if someone doesn't like me. I'm like ok and keep it moving. There's a certain someone who isn't to me and the reasons why are understandable, but we both still sleep at night. I understand they just need time and space.. done and done. But Fudd doesn't read my nonverbals, but unlike the other individual, I can't just come out and say what I really think because that will result in some paperwork.

But why are these types of ppl blind to the obvious? Does he not want to believe that out of 10 ppl, 1 doesn't like him? I mean thats life right, folks? Not everyone is gonna like you so do a stiff upper British lip and keep calm and carry on??? Isn't that what's supposed to happen??? UGH is it February yet????? Is there a nice way to tell someone to fuck off?

When beauty isn't enough...

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone”- Dorothy Parker

Question: Have you ever liked someone whom everyone else thought was completely textbook unattractive, but there was something endearing about that that made you LIKE them?

The questioned posed above came from a conversation with Quartzite and I one day while driving. We were talking about how there are some men out there that are not classically handsome, but their personalities just completely overwhelm your sight and you are drawn to them and would date them given the opportunity.

I think most of us ladies (I’m sure some men could relate, but I’m a woman and know a majority of my friends who read this are women…so let me friggin do what I want) have been in this situation before… but have never acted on it. Why not? Do we care what our friends would say? There comes a point when beauty and the flashiness of certain materialistic things become void. Looks fade and then when you’re with someone who you want to be with forever, you have to have something deeper to get you through the hard times and the years ahead.

I am not currently in a relationship, but have been in them and know that they all take work… whether it’s a friendship or intimate bf/gf thing (marriage counts), both parties need to be putting in some effort.

I have a coworker who isn’t what most would think is super attractive, but his personality is out-friggin-standing. I am attracted to him. I think I have a thing for men with power/intellect so I can’t say for sure, but I was drawn to him since our first conversation. There is a perfectly good reason I don’t say anything, but that’s my point. His personality is what really drew me to him. I know we all say that the person must be attractive… and hes not hideous, just not what SOCIETY (those fuckers) would deem attractive enough to grace the covers of Vanity Fair. I mean come on, Julia Roberts proved this theory best when she was married to Lyle Lovett… if you don’t know what I mean, google him, don’t worry I’ll wait :P.

Point is, when do we stand up for our own happiness and not let society dictate whom we should like? And why are our family and friends sometimes unsupportive? Looks only go so far, and sometimes the ugliest people are the ones most beautiful on the surface.

Life Actually... I tell it like it is

Ok, former Oreo lovers, I have started writing anew. I thought I would retire from the world of blogging, but I've realized in some way I do get something out of this. That being said... I will try to be happier in my blogs and talk of real things, not just the things I feel at the time. This has been an awesome outlet for me to say how I really feel. But with freedom of speech, came repercussions. I am an adult and must take responsibility in my actions. I want to be happier and mentally/emotionally healthier so I will try my best to stick to the facts of my writing... to bring humor into the lives of others as well as find myself.

I've named this new blog "Life actually" to signify that nothing will be embellished, but told from a straight forward attitude with humor on the side. The whole point is to be happier so let's get that way. In these new efforts, I hope to gain insight on myself. I am not perfect, I fall and fail daily, but I need to find happiness...

We shall see where this new blog takes us. So enjoy the new path that I have taken... the high road if you will on the journey to define self-fulfillment and to inexplicably show how life actually is...