TRUST...

I trust no one, not even myself.- J. Stalin


Trust is something that we are told must be earned not given freely. There are those who trust freely until done wrong, and there are those who wait and watch making people earn his or her trust. I am in the latter group. I wasn't always like this but over the years, in order to survive, I had to transform myself. It is very hard for me to show emotions and express myself. Over the past few months, I have been trying to get better at it. I've tried being completely open... but then I got burned. I do not blame the other person. I had issues expressing much after I told them something personal. In my mind keeping space was necessary for the other to grow in their respective setting, but obviously that was probably the wrong thing to do, thus getting burned.

Recently, a friend of mine, or someone whom I thought was a friend, played a joke on me. It wasn't a hahaha joke, but one that upset me. I begged for clarity, but kept getting vague answers. I know this person can joke around quite a bit, but which this certain topic, it was no joking matter, especially since I was visibly upset and even said so. Well, this person never owned up to playing a joke on me. I had to go as far as asking Hypocrite* what his BFF was referring to. Hypocrite called my gullible for believing the Joker*. I suddenly remembered why I deleted his ass in the first place....

I hate when people try to make you feel stupid for how you feel. I was upset. I have trust problems, and one of my worst fears was seeming to come true thru this person. I defended him before when others said he was a douche. Now I know they were right. I feel stupid yet again, but not because he was playing with me, but because I thought he had enough respect for me as a person to not joke about something like that.

I refuse to be susceptible to someone who thinks hurting me is hilarious. I will not live in a state of fear. I refuse to apologize how I feel about ANYTHING. They are MY feelings for a reason. So that being said... I say this to Joker.... COME AT ME, BRO!